Do you want to know the worst thing you can say to someone you’re dating? “I have trust issues.” Seriously, that’s like giving the crown to the wrong contestant and then turning around and saying, “My bad, you didn’t really win.” (I know, I still can’t believe that really happened).
Anyway, you get what I’m saying. Here they are basking in the thought of a beautiful relationship with you and there you go ripping away that reality with your trust issues. Honestly, it isn’t fair. Not to them though, to you. You’re selling yourself short EVERY TIME you allow ANYTHING from a past relationship to hinder the potential of a new one. That’s for another day though. Here is what’s it’s like for the person on the other end of your trust issues.
- “I know you don’t trust anybody, but you can trust me [seriously].” Usually, the person on the other end of your trust issues wants nothing more than to assure you that you can trust them with your heart. When you choose to pursue a new relationship in spite of your current trust issues, it is unfair not to give your new partner the opportunity to be someone who can earn your trust. You should want to overcome those issues for the sake of your relationship anyway. After all, if you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything.
- “If you let me in, I can show you how to trust again–but you keep blocking me out.” One of the hardest parts of being on the other end of your trust issues is the lack of (much needed) communication. As a result of trying to guard your heart, you have a tendency to block people out–even the people who care about you most. It’s hard to be in that position, especially when that person wants to be the person you feel safe enough to trust. They are usually willing to go above and beyond to show you how to trust again. At the same time, it hurts them a lot to know that even though they will do whatever it takes for you to feel safe trusting them, that you won’t take the risk and do just that.
- “Should I be patient or am I wasting my time?” When the person on the other end of your trust issues is trying to show you that you can trust them, they already have to approach the situation knowing that it’s going to take a great deal of patience. While they exercise patience though, the goal is to see some form of progress with you; otherwise, it feels like wasted time. Again, it isn’t fair to be in a relationship with someone that you have no intentions of trusting. Don’t waste your time or theirs.
- “I understand that they hurt you and broke your trust, but I AM NOT THEM.” Another very difficult part of being the person on the other end of your trust issues is having to pay for actions that aren’t your own. What most people with trust issues fail to realize is that just because one person betrayed your trust doesn’t mean that everyone else will. If you get into a new relationship after the one responsible for your trust issues, leave the past behind you. Don’t treat your new partner like you know they are going to betray your trust or worse–as if they already have.
- “If you won’t let your guard down and trust me, this will never work.” Bottom line is, without trust the relationship will fail. If you feel completely unable to trust the person on the other end of your trust issues, you should let them go. Understand that it hurts just as bad as it did when your trust was betrayed to learn that someone you’ve worked so hard to prove your loyalty to doesn’t have any intentions of trusting you. When you give your best and it isn’t enough, that is really damaging. Trust me; I’ve been there.
Ultimately, it’s worth working through. If you know you have trust issues, stop using that as a warning. It’s an excuse not to overcome the problem. Deal with it and move on from the previous situation that caused the issue in the first place. Let it go!
This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.