A good friend of mine made a statement that really left me thinking the other night. He said that women have a tendency to deflect when they start catching feelings for a guy that we find a little intimidating or hard to get. I didn’t want to agree with him at first, but then I really gave it some thought and I had to agree. Sometimes when we start catching feelings for a man that we have reservations about, we will do whatever it takes to shake those feelings or send them in the opposite direction. This can happen a lot when you stereotype or prejudge a man before really getting to know him, so much so that when you actually do get to know him, you’re prone to deflect simply because you’ve already placed him into a box he might not even fit in. So, let’s clear some things up that might help us refrain from doing so because the truth of the matter is this… maybe he’s not a fuckboy, maybe you’re just projecting.
Not all guys who are attractive (or overly attractive) are fuckboys.
I’ll go ahead and say it just in case no one else wants to. Pursuing, dating, or even simply talking to a very attractive or even overly attractive guy can be intimidating AF. It’s hard to tell your mind that you’re the “only one” in his life, when he’s just so damn well-groomed, well-dressed, charismatic, and catching the eye of every woman that he walks by. I get it, sis! Nevertheless, you can’t just assume that he’s a fuckboy and that he’ll play you. Give him a chance, just stay alert.
Wanting to get back in the dating game without wanting something serious doesn’t make him a fuckboy.
No matter how much that reality hurts, it’s so important to understand that you can date without wanting a serious commitment right now. All too often do we take the response “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” as an excuse to be a player, but maybe he’s not being a player…maybe he just doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship right now. The way I see it, he’s being honest and at least you know what you’re getting into. It also doesn’t mean that your connection with him will only be sexual. The dating process is extremely critical to being in a successful committed relationship when you both are ready.
Maybe he really is too busy to call and text you all day; that doesn’t make him a fuckboy.
This is generally one of the main reasons we will write a guy off as being a fuckboy because we have that theory that “people make time for what they want to make time for” in our head. Although the latter is true, there are exceptions and some people really are too busy to talk or text all day long. In my opinion, if he always responds when he can and has a valid reason behind why he couldn’t answer earlier, all is forgiven, especially when he is fully engaged in the conversation when you all are able to talk.
If he’s honest about what he wants with you and you still decide to have a sexual relationship with him, you’re not allowed to call him a fuckboy later.
Okay, sis, hear me out. First off, I’m not saying that the world is crawling with fuckboys; it’s no mystery that they’re out there. However, if the guy you’re dealing with fits into all of the things that I’ve previously mentioned and is in fact not a fuckboy, he just doesn’t want anything serious right now, that doesn’t mean a sexual relationship is off limits. This is when you have to check yourself and be honest with what YOU are capable of dealing with. If he’s been upfront about everything and you decide to fall deeper in your feelings by way of a sexual relationship, you can’t call him a fuckboy simply because he didn’t give you what you wanted in the long run. *shrugs*
Maybe he’s not a fuckboy, maybe you’re just projecting.
This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.