You can always tell when shit has turned sour in your relationship.
I’ll be honest, at this point, you shouldn’t even be trying to ‘relationship’ without knowing what your love language is. And you’re doing yourself an even bigger favor by making sure you’ve paid close enough attention to your partner to identify theirs as well. Still, I’m aware that there are a few people out there who still don’t know about the five love languages, so here they are. Gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch—all of which are pretty self-explanatory.
Love languages are real and they truly affect the way we give and receive love. There is always this sort of gut feeling most of us get when things start taking a turn for the worse in our relationship, but we usually tend to blame it on someone’s actions or the lack thereof, instead of evaluating how well we have actually indulged in the love languages of one another. I’ll be honest and say that I wasn’t always in tune with love languages, so I often blamed whatever went wrong in the relationship on myself—but now I get it. Whether you are or aren’t familiar with love languages, I definitely recommend furthering your experience with them. They can really show you a lot about how to love and how you want to be loved.
Unfortunately, not everything works out for everyone and sometimes we end up settling for a relationship that doesn’t feed our soul. Here’s how each love language knows they’re with the wrong person.
If your love language is receiving gifts, it’s pretty simple to identify whether or not you’re with the wrong person. The wrong person for you is prone to forgetting to send flowers to your job on significant dates like birthdays and anniversaries. They are not the type to shell out a lot (or a little) money on “just because it’s Tuesday” gifts and those types of gestures are important to you–which is okay. It doesn’t mean that they don’t genuinely care about you, but giving special gifts just isn’t their forte which definitely means you should find a new beau.
When quality time is your love language, you want your partner’s undivided attention. For some, they will settle for watching t.v. or movies together, but ultimately they want more focused quality time. When you feel like your having to beg the person your with to spend real quality time with you, you’re definitely with the wrong person. If taking a walk together, having a picnic, or a romantic dinner for two seems tedious or uninteresting for your partner, it’s pretty safe to say you should get back out there and find a new fish.
Words Of Affirmation
I would say that of all the love languages this one is the most difficult to identify and reciprocate depending on the person you’re dating. When you’re love language is words of affirmation, it’s important for the person you’re with to verbally encourage you, tell you they love you and express their emotions. If communication isn’t easy for your partner then I definitely don’t see them being the right partner for you. Many people argue that actions speak louder than words, but that’s not applicable in this case. It’s the comfort of being reassured that they really feel what they feel. You know, “if you love me, say it.”
Acts Of Service
Some people might call a person whose love language is acts of service, spoiled. In fact, I’m guilty of making this mistake before I learned more about the five love languages. In this case, actions definitely speak louder than words. If you find yourself begging your partner to help you with tasks or you keep trying to bite your tongue about how much your partner doesn’t do for you… you’re with the wrong person. You need to be with the person who enjoys helping you out with daily tasks and catering to your needs–and here’s the catch–because they want to.
So simple, yet easily misunderstood. When your love language is physical touch, it’s the kisses goodbye and the hugs that welcome you home that mean a lot to you. It’s the caress of your back as they pass behind you to walk into the kitchen. It’s the way they communicate how much they love you with a simple touch. If you’re with someone who isn’t okay with a public display of affection, who doesn’t like holding hands, or gets ‘too hot’ to cuddle… chances are you’re with the wrong person for sure.
Love languages don’t take much to learn about and as I mentioned before, having knowledge of them will completely transform the way you give and receive love. Life is far too short for fake love, bad sex, and wasted time, so if you’ve found that your partner isn’t speaking your love language, address it. If they can’t find out how to, move on. You deserve the real thing and it’s out there waiting on you!
This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.