I have a pretty good idea of how you might be feeling right now:

“I’m not chasing a man. If he can’t see what’s standing in front of him, then he probably ain’t for me.”

While I understand how many of us women would feel that way, I’ll be honest and say that this obviously isn’t always the best attitude to have. Sometimes you have to get out of that comfort zone. Men find it refreshing and in most cases sexy when a woman approaches them and I believe it to be refreshing for three reasons: it catches them off guard that 1) you know what you want 2) you like what you see and 3) that you made an attempt to sweep them off their feet instead of expecting them to do it to you.

I think one of the main reasons so many women are single today is because we don’t go after the men we want. YOU HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR SHOT, SIS. I’m a firm believer that if you want something–you go and get it. It’s no different with men. If you’re anything like me, it feels like all the wrong guys feel the need to approach you and the ones that you do want are either intimidated by you or think you’re already in a relationship–or worse… they think you’re joking when you do tell them you like them. So, now when I see him, you know… him. I go right up to him. I don’t allow him to walk away from me without letting him know I’m admiring him and interested. And I’m always glad I did. Here are a few tips on how to go after the man you want. Let’s get into it!

  1. Make sure he knows you’re interested. As I just mentioned, you have to be fair and let him know that you’re interested. It doesn’t have to be an aggressive approach and you definitely don’t want him to think you’re selling yourself or anything, so simply start by striking conversation and being polite. That helps to tone down some of the awkwardness either of you could be feeling. Wait for him to respond and let the conversation flow naturally. That’s all it takes. Politeness and confidence are definitely a rare commodity for women to show these days, so that’s usually the first thing that leaves him craving more.
  2. Smile and be confident. You don’t do all that you do when getting dressed to be looked over. You don’t choose your clothes so carefully simply not to be noticed. Nevertheless, don’t think that alone will get the job done. Always remember, confidence is the best accessory. No matter how laid your hair is or how beat your face is… if you lack confidence–you’re wasting it. I mean honestly, what’s the worst that can happen? He’ll say he has a girlfriend or he’s not interested. My response would be something along the lines of “Okay, we’ll she’s a lucky girl. Thank you for conversing with me… and if she ever messes up, I hope we run into each other again someday.” It’s flirty, but not promiscuous. It acknowledges you respect his relationship status and honesty, but also offers a light, friendly mood at the end so it isn’t awkward for either of you (and you got an extra plug in there just in case things don’t work out for him).
  3. Be assertive, but not bitchy. Don’t wait on him to text you first. Pick up your phone and call him. You don’t have to wait for him to take you on a date either. Let him know to be free Thursday because you’re treating him to dinner and a movie, or whatever you can afford. My point is this… sometimes, Prince Charming is looking down playing with his phone instead of scoping the area in search of you. Next time you see someone you want, at least open up a conversation with him. It’s engaging. It’s refreshing. It’s worth it.
  4. Keep an open mind. I know that if you do what I’m advising, things will work out in your favor. I’m not saying it’ll win every time, but if you keep an open mind and do it honestly… I think you’ll find it worth it. Remember to see the person–the soul, not the outer appearance. Listen to your spirit when it calls to someone. You never know how far a friendly smile and a ‘hello’ can go.
  5. Don’t fear rejection. At the end of the day, some fish just won’t bite. That’s nothing to concern yourself with. I always look at it as God watching my back. If he doesn’t bite, that’s God doing you a favor. If nothing else, thinking of it this way definitely makes the rejection sting less. That’s just honest. In all seriousness though, don’t take rejection personally. Move on. You won’t be everyone’s shot of whiskey, babe.
  6. Make yourself available. If things do work out, make yourself available. Think about a time you gave your number to a guy who claimed to be interested in you and he didn’t use it or maybe he only used it a couple of times. Pisses you off, doesn’t it? Don’t be this person. If you approach a man keep your good intentions and get to know him. The only way to do that is to make yourself available. People make time for things that are important and excuses for things that aren’t.

Happy hunting, sis.