I think many of you have forgotten that women can play the game even better than men.
With that, I want to talk about some of the signs that you’re dating a woman with no intentions of getting serious–in other words, I want to tell you how to spot the ways women use men to get what they want without committing. To keep things simple…when in doubt, get out! If she has intentions of pursuing a relationship with you, you’ll know. Trust me. A woman with game is a dangerous thing, so beware of the devil in a new dress. Below are the top seven signs she’s playing you.
- If you call, she’ll answer–but she ain’t calling you first. This is how it all started. You saw her and thought, “man, I’ve got to get her…” you talked her into giving you her phone number and she might have even seemed interested. You go to call her and maybe she picks up the first time, maybe she doesn’t (because she doesn’t recognize the number), but when you finally get in contact with her, the sparks that you just knew where there when you met her seem to have gone dull. You remind her of who you are she engages a little more in conversation and finally, you two are off to (what you think is) a good start. From here, in order to see her again, you ask her out on a date and she (probably reluctantly) she accepts. You’ve been hooked.
- You go out on dates, but you’re not “dating.” Free drinks or free food is always an incentive to go out on a date. This is initially how most women get over on you gents. A woman who has no intentions of dating you will still go out on all kinds of dates with you just to get out of the house without having to spend her own money. Usually, the dates are in places that the two of you aren’t very likely to be seen in, like dinner in a back booth or the movies, instead of a night out on the town for all to see. If you find yourself always offering to take her out, it’s not usually a good sign of progression. If she were into you, she’d suggest dates and even pay sometimes. Which leads me to my next point…
- You pay for EVERYTHING. I highly doubt that I am the first person to tell you this. Women love money. It doesn’t really matter who it comes from. If you’re willing to pick up the ticket no matter where the two of you go, she’ll keep you around. If you buy her whatever she wants, she’ll keep you around. If she knows she can call you to get a few extra bucks, she’ll keep you around. If you pay her bills, she’ll keep you around… but none of this means she has any intention of committing herself to you–at all. If you’re doing any of these things without reciprocity–you’re digging your own grave. And let’s be clear about one little thing… SEX IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE RECIPROCATION.
- She uses ‘the cookie’ to eat the cake. I know it feels amazing and can be wildly invigorating, but gents… you have got to stop holding so much value to sex. And before you start denying that you do this, I’m not talking about sex with any ole’ gal… I’m talking about sex with that girl. I’m talking about sex with the girl you have sex with and decide you want to be the only one have sex with her. Sex is not money. Sex is not love. Sex does not hold any additional value besides reaching a moment of ecstasy–and that’s only if you really know what you’re doing. A woman who has no intention of dating you, but wants to keep taking advantage of your money or other things, has no problem opening up her legs to make you think everything is all cool between the two of you.
- She’s two different people alone with you and in public. You may be feeling a little confused because you’re thinking to yourself… “we don’t have sex… we make love.” Or maybe you two have really intimate conversations when you’re alone and you guys cuddle all the time, but let me break it down. If you two can do all of these things in the privacy of your own home, that’s one thing. When you two can do the same things no matter who’s looking… that is a whole other ball game. If she tends to get a little more “reserved” when the two of you are in public, it could be because she doesn’t want anyone thinking you two are more than friends. If it’s okay to kiss at the house, but you can’t hold hands while walking in the mall–she’s playing you, buddy.
- She just wants you to “be patient” with her. Which brings us to our next telltale sign… patience. A woman who has no intentions of committing to you, but still wants to reap the benefits you bring will continue to make you think that with time, the two of you will finally live happily ever after. This is not true. Women know very soon whether or not they want to pursue a relationship with their partner of choice. If she wanted to commit, you would know so. When she says she needs time or wants you to be patient it is generally just a way to keep you around without having to give you what you ultimately want from her–commitment.
- You’re always introduced as a friend or by your name. Unfortunately, after all this time, although the two of you do go out together, you’re still being introduced as her friend or worse… just as your name. Neither of these introductions allows her friends to confirm their assumption that you two might be more than friends no matter how many times they have seen you together because the bottom line is if you were somebody… she would have said so.
So, how long is too long to wait on the commitment, you ask? I’d say depending on how many of the previously mentioned signs you’ve seen… you’ve already waited too long, but if you need a number… I’d say a month and a half, two months or so of no real reciprocity or intention is more than enough reason to get outta there. Don’t get played, gents. The right one is out there somewhere!
This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.