We’ve all got at least one crazy ex, right?

Sure, I’ve called an Ex crazy before. I mean, he was. Until I was so graciously gifted with the title of being someone’s “crazy ex,” I never realized that there is a reason people become the crazy ex.

A short synopsis of the relationship—things were great! Until they weren’t. He and I had been dating for quite a while, then all of sudden I started noticing those simple signs of relationship failure. I didn’t want to believe that things were turning sour, so I did what most women would do and put in a little extra effort in all the areas I thought mattered. Still, things went south and he left me. Naturally, I was pissed and confused. These are the reasons behind how I became his Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend and what you can do to avoid having one.

  1. He told me he loved me, then he left me. This was phase one of my crazy. I couldn’t fathom how he could tell me he loved me and then proceed to leave me. We had worked so hard on our relationship and had established (what I believed to be) a very healthy relationship. It made me furious to hear him say he loved me, but that he was leaving me. Those two things just didn’t go together in my eyes. This is where it all began. I wasn’t going to make it easy for him to leave me. I promised myself I’d fight for my relationship because I loved him and he said he loved me. I don’t know how guys think, but most women are willing to fight for love and that’s exactly what I planned to do. If you want to avoid having a Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend, don’t tell her that you love her until you’re ready to take things to the limit. That means being in the relationship for the long haul. Even if she says it first and you’re not ready to say it back, don’t. Her fury for you not being ready to say it is far less painful than you saying it and her realizing you did not mean it. Women take these three little words very seriously, guys. Don’t say it unless you really mean it.
  2. He left me, but he couldn’t tell me why. Nothing made me more upset than having to “accept” the fact that he was leaving me, but not having closure about why he felt he needed to. All he said was that “I deserved better.” I get it – to you guys that sounds like the perfect thing to say to ease the pain for us women, but in all reality, this is just fuel to the fire. When a woman invests in you emotionally, it’s her decision. So to tell her what she deserves is ludicrous – at least to her – seeing as how it was her decision to choose you in the first place. If you want to avoid having a Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend, tell her why you’re leaving her. Give her closure. Don’t leave her trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together because this is where we start making scenarios up in our head and ultimately, we start fighting even harder to get you to stay or come back. If you must leave, be able to tell her the reasons why.
    He ignored me, then called me crazy when I showed up at his house.
  3. If you didn’t know, one of the quickest ways to drive a woman insane is to ignore her. This was the most severe phase of crazy for me. I was infuriated that not only was I losing my relationship and wasn’t given a reason why, but I was being blatantly ignored by him too! He didn’t answer any of my calls; he wouldn’t respond to texts or messages; he was basically begging me to show up to his house, so that’s what I did. All I wanted to do was have a calm conversation about what was happening between us (at first), but when he started acting like a 2-year-old and wouldn’t communicate with me. I was really upset by the time I got to his place so that “calm” conversation was nowhere to be found. Hence, Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend. If you want to avoid having a Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend, don’t ignore her. This piggybacks off of the previous point. Use your words. If you communicate with her why you two are breaking up and give her closure, chances are you won’t even get to this point. Do not fool yourself into thinking that if you just don’t answer her calls or texts she’ll go away because the more you ignore her, the more likely she is to keep trying to communicate with you. Grow some balls and pick up the phone. I’m just saying.
  4. He told me not to worry about his “friend,” and now he’s dating her. Like things weren’t already bad enough when I found out from someone else that he started dating his “friend” that he told me not to worry about when we were together, I freaking lost it. Mind you, this was not very long after we stopped dating so at this point, I just accepted my title of Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend and wore it proudly. I wasn’t crazy with his new girlfriend though. In my eyes, she wasn’t the problem – he was. He wasn’t supposed to leave me for her. He was supposed to love me, right? Not all women look at it this way and sometimes they end up getting to the new girlfriend too. Hopefully, you don’t end up in this situation. If you want to avoid having a Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend, wait for a while before you dive into a new relationship. I know probably sounds ridiculous to you, but truthfully it’s the least you can do. If you care about her, try to put yourself in her shoes. The breakup is already hard enough for her to deal with. Don’t add her having to watch you be happy with someone else to the equation so soon. Give her time to heal at least a little. Again, the more closure you give her, the less time this will probably take.
  5. I moved on, and now he says I never loved him. The last phase of Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend for me was reaching out and apologizing for being so crazy towards him at the beginning of our breakup. I had moved on from the relationship and worked through the pain and at that point, I was ready to forgive him. But do you know what he said when I reached out? He said I was crazy and that if I had moved on, I never really loved him in the first place (even though he had moved on himself). I don’t know – I think breakups are bad at the beginning for us women, but in the end, the men usually end up taking things the hardest. If you want to avoid having a Crazy Bitch Ex-Girlfriend, allow her the time to be hurt but let her move on when she is ready. The reason women respond in such a “crazy” way to breakups is that we are so emotionally invested that it is devastatingly shocking to think of that relationship coming to an end. When all is said and done though, we do usually reach a point where we are sorry we behaved in such a manner and we move on. We want to be happy and we want you to be able to be happy to – even if it isn’t with us in particular. Don’t guilt trip your ex into staying stuck on stupid for you when you’ve already moved on. She deserves to find new happiness just the way you did, don’t you think?

This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen Thought Catalog.