Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and later realized that you’re the only one who considers the two of you actually being “in a relationship?” I’ve learned that many people steer clear of defining the relationship they have with someone and instead tag on words like ‘talking’ or ‘dating’ as in–there’s no commitment, but I don’t want you to talk to anyone else.
There are several excuses or reasons for why someone does this, but don’t fool yourself–you deserve clarity. If you are in a relationship or doing relationship things with someone and you’ve never defined the situation, it’s time to get some answers. Here are 7 responses to ‘what are we?’ that let you know exactly where you stand in the relationship.
- I don’t want to complicate what we have. “You’re special to me and you know that, but I don’t want to complicate what we have by putting a title on it.” If putting a title on your situationship will cause complications, that is a very clear sign that commitment is only a goal for one of you.
- We’re homies. Abort mission–like, now. This is such a huge sign of disrespect to me. I’m not your male friend and this is just a nonchalant way of telling you that there is no potential of a committed relationship for the two of you whatsoever.
- Seriously… we’re just friends. This response is typically made by you when you’re explaining to others (who are tired of you two dragging things out) that you’re just friends when everyone knows you two should be more. You’re trying to convince others that (even though you two would be perfect together) you aren’t going to embark on a romantic relationship. Sure, you could be worried about risking the friendship, but in all honesty, you know that you both should be more than friends as well! If this sounds like you, take the chance!
- Soon, but not now. “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.” To me, hearing this is risky. It all depends on the person as to whether or not you can believe there is light at the end of this tunnel or not. Some people use this excuse to keep you around, but they never make that leap and “soon” never comes. It doesn’t happen that way in all cases though. Some people do need time to prioritize or handle themselves emotionally before getting involved in a new relationship. Again, trusting this is all on the person it’s coming from.
- You know I’ll always care about you. You two may have been involved for quite some time, but still, that commitment has not been made. As long as you two have been a thing, it has been serious and the two of you have developed real feelings for each other. Shitty thing is, as deep as those feelings are, you still aren’t getting anywhere with them. “You know they’ll always care about you,” but commitment (at least to you) is not the end goal for them.
- What are you doing tonight? You might not want to admit it, but you know exactly who I’m talking about. You know good and well nothing will come from this. In fact, they treat you like a booty call; only reaching out when they want to sleep with you and even that is pretty scarce. You know so well what the two of you are that you don’t even bother asking because the honest answer will make you feel even more stupid than you do now. Move on, baby. You deserve better.
- We hook up from time to time. You hear from this person a little more than the “WYD tonight?” type, but still, you’re just hooking up. There really isn’t anything exclusive or promising about the relationship. In fact, the term ‘hook-up’ generally applies that it’s a casual, nonexclusive type of relationship–meaning you and four others are probably expecting the same commitment from the kind of person who has zero intentions of committing to any of you.
All in all, if you are committing yourself to someone who hasn’t committed themselves to you, you’re selling yourself short.
You’re a pink starburst, remember? You are the shit. You deserve to be treated as such. Gain some clarity and if you get any of the following responses in return–believe them the first time!
This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.